Just Say No! Steve’s Gotta Go!

I’ve been walking around slightly irritated for two days now.


Is it the 19% proposed increase in my property taxes?  No.


That I bought 10 random Powerball tickets yesterday, and three of them had 29 as the Powerball?   Slight annoyance, but eh, whatever.


Constipation?  No, all is fine down there, thanks.


No, I’ve been stewing.


WTF is Steve Wozniak still doing on Dancing with the Stars?????


If there’s one thing I hate more than clowns and midgets, its Steve Wozniak on Dancing with the Stars.


Not only is this guy the worst dancer EVER, if he keeps going, I reallywozniakdancing think his ring around the rosies style of dancing (all fall down!) is going to do serious damage to his partner.  I don’t care he’s a nice guy, I don’t care he’s a nerd and it would be nice for a nerd to do well with the cool kids – he can’t dance, and he should be banished.  And, after his accusations that Dancing with the Stars is rigged, he’s a bad sport.


I’m not saying I’m disappointed that that lunatic, plastic faced Denise Richards got the boot (did anyone notice Maks constantly whispering in her ear?  I think he was saying thinks like, “you are crazy in the head, woman, you know that?” and “it’s not complicated – you’re a cooky looky,” and “you’re gone tonight, looney tooney and I can’t wait to run so far, so fast away from you”)  Nor would I have been sad to see that lazy playboy bunny hit the road (did you see that look on her face when she didn’t get kicked off – sheer disappointment that she couldn’t go back to sleeping until  4 p.m) but come on – this guy is worse than Chloris Leachman, and let me tell ya, I hated Chloris.


You’d think from my serious case of irritation, I’d be a ballroom purist – but I don’t know a bogo pogo from a twinkle step.  If I attempted a quick step, it would be a quick fall.  And, am I offended like Carrieann when someone oopsy’s and takes their foot off the ground?  Nah, big deal, put a sock in it already Carrieann.  But, I am the girl who has an autographed picture of Gene Kelly in my library, and grew up with a serious fascination with the American Movie Musical.  A vote for Steve Wozniak is like saying f- you to Fred Astaire – and who would ever say f- you to Fred?   Would anyone have paid their nickel to see Steve trod on Ginger’s toes?  Of course not! 


On Monday and Tuesday night, I just want to sit in front of my t.v., knit, and see something graceful and beautiful (or hot and steamy like the naked guy from Sex and the City) – even Steve-O is at least trying, and you’d never know that the Queen Bee turned the Federal Detention Center in Philadelphia into Jailhouse Rock with all of her new found posh.  I do not want to watch the Pillsbury Doughboy in lederhosen (’cause you know some crazy Bavarian Bratwurst dance is coming – I can just see the producers thinking how great it would look for his belly to be hanging out between suspenders.  And, instead of the worm, he could do some crazy thing called the sausage!) . 


So, if you want to save me much grief and consternation, please vote for someone other than Steve on Monday.  I really don’t want to have to boycott my favorite show.


  1. Bridget March 26, 2009

    OK, I’ve missed every single installment of this show so far this time around, but this is one of the funniest posts ever!

  2. Lisa March 27, 2009

    Oh dear….dear…dear…I promise never to vote for Steve and to make sure that I discourage anyone so inclined. Promise!

  3. NancyJak March 27, 2009

    Ugh! I don’t even watch Steve — there is something creepy about it (sorry Steve!).
    I’m glad Denise is gone (good take on Maks’s whispering sweet nothings in her ear!), but I enjoy watching Holly dance around like a real life Barbie doll!
    I fear that he will linger.


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