Ridiculous Wedding Favors

Remember a few posts ago, I mentioned ridiculous wedding favors?


I figured I’d show them to you, just in case anyone’s looking for a little (and I mean little) inspiration.


Favors should be easy – its easy to say thank you when you really are thankful.    Thank you for coming to our wedding, to show our appreciation we got you –

a mini buri fan?

a tacky lantern?


Or, perhaps, a pair of cheesy crystal swans?

crystal swans

Thank you for attending our wedding – here’s some crap to take home with you.


A nice trendy thing to do is to make a donation to a charity in your wedding guests’ names.  That’s fine for many families, but for my politically polarized family, that just wouldn’t be a good idea. Even a donation to feeding the homeless might raise an eyebrow — why are they homeless? my Republican brother might ask.  Anyway, I didn’t feel comfortable making a donation in someone else’s name – there are many charities that I wouldn’t want my name associated with – and I wasn’t going to do it to someone else.


The only wedding favors that I haven’t “accidentally” left on the table were edibles.  My sister-in-law is a bit Hershey bar happy – every family event has a corresponding Hershey bar – so I decided to go with Hershey’s kisses.  I surfed the internet looking for wedding favor folks who applied stickers to the bottoms of Hershey’s kisses. And you know what, the price of a kiss went up astronomically once it was transformed into a wedding favor.  


Huh, I thought.  I could do that – why should I pay someone.  And, huh, I could do it better – why just have it say, Joe & Wendy – why couldn’t it be a picture.  And really, why should it be just one picture – it could be many pictures!  In fact, each box could have all unique pictures.  Why not?


I’ll tell you why not – it was was a total pain in the ass.


But, I had a vision in my head.  I saw a clear box, tied up with a fall colored ribbon.  And through the clear panels of the box, you would be able to see the pictures — pictures of us, our family, our friends.  My ideas got grandiose – I could even make personalized boxes – yes! that’s it!  Each box will contain pictures of us and the pertinent guest.  It’ll be fantastic.


So, we went to A.C. Moore, and investigated the clear boxes.  The boxes came in 2 sizes – a 2 x 2 x 2, and a 3 x 3 x 3 — Joe, the candy man, poo pooed the smalelr box – that’ll only hold five candies, he proclaimed.  So, I went home with the 3 x 3’s, and started to load up the 600 kisses that I had already stamped.   


Well, it turned out a 3 x 3 x 3 box holds 25 Hershey’s kisses.  I needed to make 60 or so boxes.  So that’s 25 different pictures, on 60 different labels – and then they had to be individually sorted, box by box.  Have you done the math yet?  Yes, that’s right – I had to hand apply 1500 stickers to 1500 Hershey’s kisses.  So much for my 600 labels I had already printed – I wasn’t even half there!


And, of course, I had bought the last 2 label packs at the Michael’s in the Northeast.  I called the Willow Grove store, and had them put aside four more packages of labels, and we trekked out to the ‘burbs so that I would be able to finish the project.  While we were there, we also picked up fall colored ribbon to finish the box with a flourish – voila, a bow!


So, I printed out a gazillion labels, through the personalized box idea out the window, and sorted – I had a bag of 60 kisses with photo A, a bag of kisses with photo b, etc.  And, after all of the boxes were filled, I began the bowing.


I had tied up 4 boxes, and ran out of ribbon. 




Back to the drawing board.  So, we went back to Michael’s, and bought bows that were affixed to elastic – like a hair doo dah – and thank you tags.  Perfect, I thought.


Hmmm – the elastic wasn’t wide enough to get around the box.


No problem.  We cut the elastic off, and super glued each bow with tag on top of the box.


See, ridiculous wedding favors – what was I thinking!  But, here is the finished product:


Catching Up!


What can I say? Sigh – a picture IS worth a thousand words.  Isn’t my husband handsome!


As anyone who attempts to follow this blog knows, my posts may trickle off for no reason, or a good reason, or something in between.  This particular hole in in the blog was due solely to lack of time, and then technical difficulties.  The last three weeks have been crazy.  Not only did I manage to put a wedding together, I was on trial for 2 straight weeks, and without going into detail, it was a nightmare. 


In the midst of this perfect storm of obligations, I was writing blog posts in my head – but, unfortunately, what was in my head was never realized “on paper.”  When I finally did find time to write, it turned out that my website had been hacked, and Dreamhost had moved all of my files into a temporary, unpublished folder.  I got this long, involved email from Dreamhost about how to find the corrupted files, update software, etc., but really, in the middle of trying a shooting case that seemed to drag on into eternity, making ridiculous wedding favors, and counting the days that my wedding dress wasn’t in (it came in the week before the wedding – just when it was supposed to, but nervewracking nonetheless), I was flumoxed.  So, after the wedding, I wrote Dreamhost a rather pathetic email about how inept I am at anything other than one button installing, and they graciously fixed my problems.  Thank you Dreamhost!


Anyway, here are some of the blog posts I thought about writing, but never did –


1.  Cultural Graffiti – Joe and I saw The Informant when it came out (that will tell you how long ago I started writing in my head, and not regurgitating on the computer).  I had a total eggheady post planned about the new trend in art, literature, movies, whatever, to graffiti on top of original material.  In the Informant, there’s a rather dull, straightforward corporate espionage thriller that is falling flat on the bottom, and then, there’s a running internal monologue that Matt Damon’s character is having with himself superimposed on top in the form of a voice over.  Instead of being able to craft a tongue-in-cheek movie with just the primary script, the director failed so miserably that in order for people to get it, he had to carve open his main characters brain in order for us to get that the guy was really a bungling sociopath.  And then there’s the new fascination with Jane Austen and Vampires, and Jane Austen and Sea Monsters.  I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about this desire to put crap on top of art (or in the case of  The Informant, crap on top of crap), and, since I never wrote the post, I’ll guess I’ll figure out my final thoughts on the subject some day.


2.  Dancing with the Stars – I can’t even begin to tell you how incensed I was about Tom DeLay buffooning around in our Stars and Stripes on national television.  I wanted to write to the show so they could change his introduction from “former congressman” to” disgraced former congressman.”  His prancing around in tights and liederhosen is just another sign of our nation’s call to tackiness.  It is no wonder that Serena Williams told a line judge that she was going to shove a ball down her f-ing throat, that our President was called a liar by a heckler in a joint session of Congress, that Kanye West crashed the stage at the Grammy’s.  If we can collectively support an indicted, but not yet tried, thief in a ridiculous ballroom dancing competition which gives Japanese game shows a run for their money, really . . . we have to start asking when we draw the line between entertainment and offense. 


3.  My wedding shawl.  So, um, yeah – Brad Lidge failed miserably in his one closing appearance at the World Series, and I failed to close the handknit accessory of my wedding ensemble.  Sort of.  I started out knitting Miralda’s Triangle, as you will recall, but my original idea had been to knit something worsted since the weddingcapewedding was November 1.  So, when Ysolda’s capelet, Emily, came out, I totally switched up, put aside the fingering weight shawl, bought some Manos silk blend, and knit this.


I was so excited – perfect, I thought.


And then I tried it on with the dress – P1100498

And, as you can see, I’m not wearing it.  It didn’t match – at all.  The color was completely wrong.  How could I go wrong with cream, I thought?  But, I did.  Sigh.  So, I thought about reknitting it, with a whiter yarn, I thought about the new Manos Rittenhouse blend, a yummy, smooth merino, but I only had a week until the wedding, I was still on trial, and I had another case to try in the middle of the one I was already trying – so I just gave up, gave in.  And, it was fine – it was  a warm day.


4.  And, to end the suspense for all – it being a warm day, no hose!  And no one said a word . . .wendyandjoe

And see, you can’t even tell!

Cinnamon toast with Tea?

While Brad Lidge did pitch on Saturday, and while the Phils did win, I’d hardly say Lidge is back, giving up 2 runs, so in my book of scorekeeping, I’m not giving him the “save,” I’m giving him the “he didn’t blow it.”  And, like Brad, I didn’t blow it this weekend either – as I made it through the cast on, the edging chart, and the bottom border of the next chart – ta da!



I’m not quite in the “save” column, and we’ll see if I get the “win” in the end (well, regardless of  whether I finish the shawl I get the win – I get to marry Joe!), but the knitting was painless, and I’ll go so far as to say easy, and the Canopy is soft and squishy to work with.


And, like Lidge, up there alone on the mound, lace knitting is a solitary endeavor – I must go it alone!  But, there is something you can help me with.


Something I’ve been struggling with in my mind for days.


Something that could have long reaching ramifications.


The question is upon us –


To hose or not to hose? that is the question.


This is a question that has plagued the modern woman for at least a decade, as we’ve thrown out our traditional knee-length business suit, and opted for the pantsuit, the pencil skirt suit, and thrown away the nylons, the hose.  Not quite the same freeing effect as disposal of the crinolin, the hoop skirt, the corset, or the girdle – but empowering and much more comfortable nonetheless.  Cinnamon toast legs no more!


Pantyhose were invented in 1959 to replace stockings.  No longer did you have two separate toasty legs, held up by a garter belt, but you now had a yeast infection inducing all-in-one – yeah!  And who do we have to thank for the control top – as Patrick Swayze would say (sigh – RIP Patrick), “thank you Julie Newmar,” – yes, Catwoman is apparently responsible for shoving us into a sausage casing.  Not that there is such a thing as a comfortable pantyhose – the underwear portion either gives you a wedgy, or it’s down at your knees, the toe bunches up and gets stuck in your shoe – and after it inevitable runs, its never fun to pull them off once you’ve glued them back together with clear nailpolish.


Obviously, I couldn’t be clearer about my feelings about pantyhose.  However, at our wedding, I don’t have the luxury of a pant suit, nor a full length gown that will hide my legs.  I’m wearing a tea length dress (can’t show you!!), with an ivory, closed to shoe – giving myself the option of to hose or not to hose. 


A November wedding – my tan will have faded. Potentially very cold (also, potentially sweat inducingly very warm).  Not the greatest shaver (but, do shaving errors look worse under a hose?).  But can I really get married with a naked leg, without hose?  This just doesn’t seem right either.


So, what do you think, to hose or not to hose?